I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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