She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
