I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
