Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
