I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
3 2 1 whiskey
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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