So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
