sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
