shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
