Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
