Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the condom got lost in my hair
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
