dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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