Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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