Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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