i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
