Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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