hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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