Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
