I just pynch a tree in the face
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
