just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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