His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
