What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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