it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
