Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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