he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
