Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
