and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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