my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he fucked my hip out of place.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
