y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
