I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize