Define "chronic" masturbator.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
