I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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