no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
