you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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