i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
