toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
