yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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