i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
