if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
