Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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