another moral hangover. fuck.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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