It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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