Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
