i always forget guys have bellybuttons
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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