Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
