Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
