I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
