does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
