I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I supernannyed him into submission
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
