You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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