Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
