happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
