me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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