I wannas sexs uuuuu
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Randomize