Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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