You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
