Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
