yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I see more hoeing in ur future
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