Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
