Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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