I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
