I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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