When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
All the doctor said was why
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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