Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
