Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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