I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
so much tequila, so little girl.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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