yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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