is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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