yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
