so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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