wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
