I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You're breaking my sexual little heart
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
