Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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