he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
