Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize