Only a mothe r could love this liver
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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