i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
