after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
