What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I skipped work to stalk him.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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