we have pet lesbian snakes
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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