Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
At least make sure they are 18
Why
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just invented taco cereal.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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