are you still at the devil's house?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
