so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
