this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
