Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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