did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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