and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
