I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
